The Erotic Menu: Awaken to your gourmet sex-life
There is a treasure chest of ancient erotic intelligence that lives within each one of us. Now you have menu of what’s possible, and a recipe to follow.
Ultimately when our sexual and sensual channels are open and free of shame and judgment we not only become insanely effective human beings but we become vessels for creativity, power, passion, play.
How to approach this menu:
Approach the Erotic Menu with a dialectic point of view instead of a dualistic one. Let go of good and bad thinking and meet me in inclusive, integrated thinking where no aspect of sexuality is shameful. But rather each aspect is leading up somewhere valuable.
Yes, there are sexual addictions, ways we overindulge or repress, but it’s not bad, it’s confusion. Confusion goes away when you pierce it with truth. If we remain in good and bad or dualistic thinking we foster more repression and shame.
You are not bad, some things you are doing simply don’t work.
Why do we need a menu?
Sex is the most potent energy on the planet.
It’s easy to misuse.
It was your right, long before anybody told you it was wrong.
Now you get to re-claim your divinity and power through sex.
Ask yourself the question: If my sexual desire is a guide, where is it leading me?
Chances are, it’s leading you to one of these four sections of the Erotic Menu.
Why: Many women need this before they are ready for sex. It’s tricky because women are also programed to think this where good girls stay and anything else is bad. Even if this is the case, they still need to be met here. Often women are not satiated in sex because what the really want is not sex, but the love, care and safety they find in the romantic section of the menu.
When women say they want romance physiologically they need their sympathetic nervous system responsible for fight or flight to relax and their parasympathetic nervous system to to come online. Men can be this way too.
What: Desires that exist in this category are: slowing down, foreplay, outercourse, setting up the mood – think of senses, candles and music, flowers, massage, attentive kissing and touching, being present with subtle details, noticing shifts in partner and hearing what they are noticing.
Why: I began researching sex years ago I found the scientist Robert Ornstein says the easiest way to remember the functions of the limbic brain are the four F’s of survival: feeding, fighting, fleeing, and f*cking. In today’s world of devices, logic and over thinking, getting out of our head is a coveted experience people are now paying people to teach them how to do. Operating instinctually has tremendous value and primal sex can help recover this lost ability. Getting in touch with this primal part of brain through f*cking is a way to get in touch with the power of nature and ancient wisdom. If you’re feeling disconnected from your body you’re missing opportunity and you’re missing your life. Get primal to connect back in.
When the animal self does not have a voice it responds like an animal. Lash out or shut down. We want to give the animal space to be an animal. Train the animal and give it a voice and you won’t be a slave to it or afraid of it.
What: Desires that exist in this category are ravishing/being ravished, getting naked, stopping thinking – exercise for limbic brain, wrestling, rough sex, sweat on the walls, ripping clothes off and doing it right here, engage the animal, pure lust of the body, allow yourself to be consumed in wanting, so selfish it’s of service, explore power that comes from the body.
Why: These places that you currently hold as wrong, shameful, weird are your fast track to growth. The Psychologist Carl Jung talks about facing your shadow as a constant and necessary part of personal growth because our power, passion and vitality are tied up in our shadow. If this shadow remains repressed our ‘taboo’ desires suck your energy. In taboo exploration you can transform the ‘wrong’ into possibility and play with safety and communication.
The mind has endless capacity to find new novelty when you open up and allow your erotic creativity to flow. Many of the most successful people on the planet have facility in this realm, they understand how to play with this fire to transform their repressed wrongs into creative energy.
What: Desires that exist in this category are dirty talk, kinks, fetishes, role playing, threesomes and foursomes, domination/submission, power play, blindfolding, spanking, choking, intensity, being ‘bad’, tying up, playing with fantasies the mind imagines: being a hooker fantasy, sleeping with the boss fantasy, having an affair fantasy, older or younger partner fantasy, stranger fantasy.
Why: Neuroscience shows synching up breathing and making eye contact for just 30 seconds can help you drop into a deeper state of resonance, within 2 minutes mirror neurons start firing and a couple has the experience of being on the same page. It’s a reset button for your hard day and brings you into the present moment with your partner. Women and sometimes men who are sensitive to being touched before they are ‘ready’ may find this as the missing link and couples who are not sensitive to touch find this as the gateway to sexual freedom and enlightenment.
What: Desires that exist in this category are energy play, tantra, deep and present eye contact, intentional breathing, soul sex, opening to visions and channeling the divine, experiencing divine union, leaving time/space continuum, multiple orgasms, altered states of consciousness with no substances needed.
Levels of Erotic Actualization:
- Level One – Unaware of Conditioning: Operating inside of pre-programed conditioning based on culture, childhood, media and social circles. Many times this carries shame or strong aversion to certain aspects of sexuality. May be judgmental of or unaware of one’s actual desires. Acts out sexual shame in the pendulum of repression/indulgence. Has a hard time finding the right boundaries.
- Level Two – Exploration of Desire: Instead of sex being an after thought when theres time it becomes a practice. Becoming aware of one’s true sexual desires. Exploring and allowing real preferences to surface without judgment. Letting go of conditioning from culture, family, past relationships and sexual experiences. Healing of sexual wounds and shame. Develops attunement to personal boundaries and the boundaries of others.
- Level Three – Acceptance of Desire: Finding the pleasure in aspects of sexuality that one used to avoid, finding pleasure everywhere. Freedom to be completely uninhibited in all aspects of sexuality and erotic desire. Ability to let the light illuminate the dark, and also so allow the dark to bring depth to the light. Not afraid of light or dark, but rather sees both as energies and information.
- Level Four – Sex as service: With the willingness and ability to travel all over the possible erotic landscape one is able to being in the question of ‘what wants to happen?’ What part wants to be seen or healed in this encounter? Sexual healing ability sky rockets, altered states of consciousness through sexual union become normal, deep understanding of self and other is nurtured through sex. If there’s a shadow, one is able to meet it fully, embody and integrate it, healing from the medicine not the wound. Sex becomes a resource for growth and development of coherent self.
To find out what section of the menu is best for you to explore right now take the Quiz here: