The Erotic Menu
A Road-Map To Your Gourmet Sex-Life
MEET YOUR EROTIC POTENTIAL
There is a treasure chest of ancient erotic intelligence that lives within each one of us. Now you have menu of what’s possible, and a recipe to follow.
Ultimately when our sexual and sensual channels are open and free of shame and judgment we not only become insanely effective human beings but we become vessels for creativity, power, passion, play.
“When we started this journey I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had a low sex drive. I experienced sex in the relationship as an obligation and something I did for my partner rather than something I did for me. When you asked me what turned me on at our first session I remember I barely had anything to say. I was so disconnected from my own pleasure and who I am as a sexual being.
Fast forward to now and I’m having sensual pleasure I never thought I’d be having. I somehow effortlessly attracted the most incredible lover who happens to be into the same kind of sex I am. (divine & taboo hybrid from the erotic menu) I am so turned on all the time I now (jokingly) wonder if I have a sex addiction! And the best part is when we’re fucking I am completely in my body, completely in my pleasure, and fully in play–all things I never thought possible for me in sex but desperately wanted.
I am a new woman. I have a completely new experience of myself. I feel like I now understand how my pleasure works and I’ve definitely turned. It. On. Working with you has given me something I’ve been dying for years but had no idea how to access. I can’t thank you enough.”
- E. C.
HOW TO APPROACH THIS MENU
I invite you to approach the Erotic Menu with a dialectic point of view instead of a dualistic one. This means let go of good and bad thinking and meet me in inclusive, integrated thinking where no aspect of sexuality is shameful. But rather each aspect is leading us somewhere valuable.
Yes, there are sexual addictions, ways we overindulge or repress, but rather than see it as “bad”, consider it’s confusion that creates distortion. Distortion goes away when you pierce it with truth and hold it with love. If we remain in good and bad (dualistic) thinking we foster more repression and shame.
This framework clears up confusion about sexual desire and gives couples and individuals a deeper understanding of what they desire and how to ask for what they want playfully, so it occurs as an opportunity to their partner. Couples are able to finally land on the same page with a shared reality about the truth of what they want intimately.
“Before working with Jamie my partner and I used to get in fights about sex. We have a hard time being on the same page. He said my requests were “needy” and that I always rejected his advances. He has apologized for not listening to me and I finally communicated with him about what I really want from sex. We got to explore our own personal “erotic menus” together. I told him that right now I need more romance, and he loves primal. Through Jamie’s guidance, I feel seen for the first time, and we both get what we want now.”
- H & D
WHY DO WE NEED A MENU?
Sex is the most potent energy on the planet.
It’s easy to misuse.
It was your right, long before anybody told you it was wrong.
Now you get to re-claim your sovereignty and power through sex.
Ask yourself the question:
If my sexual desire is a guide, where is it leading me?
Chances are, it’s leading you to one of these four sections of the Erotic Menu.
THE FOUR EROTIC MENU QUADRANTS
Why this matters:
Many women need this before they are ready for sex. It’s tricky because women are also programed to think this where good girls stay and anything else is bad. Even if this is the case, they still need to be met here. Often women are not satiated in sex because what the really want is not sex, but the love, care and safety they find in the romantic section of the menu.
When women say they want romance, many times, physiologically they need their sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) to relax and their parasympathetic nervous system (rest and relax) to come online. Men can be this way too.
What it looks like:
Desires that exist in this category are: slowing down, foreplay, outercourse, setting up the mood – think “senses” – candles and music, flowers, massage, attentive kissing and touching, being present with subtle details, noticing shifts in partner and naming what you are noticing.
“The erotic menu has opened an incredible dialogue where now I actually have a working language to talk about my desires with my husband in concrete terms he understands. It changes, just like I do, but our sex is so different now… it’s what I have always wanted but didn’t know how to talk about. It’s so sexy to receive what I asked for and now he’s opening up more and giving me feedback on what he really wants!”
- L & S
Why this matters:
When I was researching sex years ago I found the scientist Robert Ornstein says the easiest way to remember the functions of the limbic brain are the four F’s of survival: feeding, fighting, fleeing, and f*cking. This is primal intelligence, responsible for our instinctual self. In today’s world of devices, logic and over thinking, getting in touch with our instinct is a coveted experience people are now paying people to teach them how to do. Primal intelligence has tremendous value and primal sex can help recover this atrophied instinct. If you’re feeling disconnected from your body, like you’re missing opportunities, you’re out of balance with the emotion of anger, or you don’t feel safe, maybe it’s time to re-establish healthy primal connection.
When the animal self does not have a voice it responds like an animal. Lash out or shut down. We want to give the animal space to be an animal. Train the animal, keep it on a leash, but give it a voice, and you won’t be a slave to it or afraid of it.
What it looks like:
Desires that exist in this category are ravishing/being ravished, getting naked, stopping thinking – exercise for limbic brain, wrestling, rough sex, sweat on the walls, ripping clothes off and doing it right here, engage the animal, pure lust of the body, allow yourself to be consumed in wanting, so selfish it’s of service, explore power that comes from the body.
“When my wife and I started working with Jamie, I hadn’t closed a deal in 6 months. My health was a mess. I had low self-esteem due to the lack of sex in our relationship. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to please her. Through working with Jamie and learning her ninja communication techniques and the erotic menu, we started having mind-blowing sex and my confidence went through the roof. This year-long battle with a health issue cleared up. I’ve been closing plenty of deals. My wife is so happy with this new version of me, I can see it in her eyes. Talk about a full life turnaround.”
- A & P
Why this matters:
These places that we have held as wrong, shameful, or taboo are a fast track to growth. Psychologist Carl Jung created a body of work about facing your shadow as a constant and necessary part of personal growth because our power, passion and vitality are tied up in our shadow. If this shadow remains repressed our ‘taboo’ desires suck our energy. In taboo exploration people can transform the ‘wrong’ into sexy possibility and play with safety and communication.
The mind has endless capacity to find new novelty when you open up and allow your erotic creativity to flow. Many of the most successful people on the planet have mastery in this realm, they understand how to safely play with fire to transform their repressed wrongs into creative energy.
What it looks like:
Desires that exist in this category are dirty talk, kinks, fetishes, role playing, threesomes and foursomes, domination/submission, power play, blindfolding, spanking, choking, intensity, objectification, being ‘bad’, being tied up, playing with fantasies the mind imagines. Anything your mind judges as wrong, but you are security turned on by is in this category.
“I thought I had lost attraction for my wife. I realized it was that I was repressing my true sexual desire for her because I loved her so much. I’m so grateful for the clarity that Jamie’s support with Erotic Menu has given me to help take my desires out of my fantasy world and into my real-world sex life… with my wife! I thought my desires were “taboo” and not ok. She showed me that there has an entire section of the erotic menu dedicated to people like me with kinky desires. My wife responded differently to my risqué ideas and with this new context, actually enjoyed them too. We have deeper trust and connection, and a fulfilling sex life.”
- S & E
Why this matters:
Neuroscience shows Tantric breathing and eye contact for just 30 seconds can help you drop into a deeper state of resonance (deep connection) with your partner. Within 2 minutes mirror neurons start firing and a couples say they have the experience of being on the same page even though they haven’t talked about anything yet. Breathing together is a reset button for your hard day and brings you into the present moment with your partner. Women and sometimes men who are sensitive to being touched before they are ‘ready’ may find this as the missing link and couples who are not sensitive to touch find this as the gateway to sexual freedom and enlightenment.
What it looks like:
Desires that exist in this category are energy play, tantra, deep and present eye contact, intentional breathing, soul sex, opening to visions and channeling the divine, experiencing divine union, leaving time/space continuum, multiple orgasms, altered states of consciousness with no substances needed. Exploration of the unseen realms, like the exploration of the cosmos.
FOUR PHASES OF EROTIC ACTUALIZATION
Phase 1: Unaware of Conditioning
Operating inside of pre-programed conditioning based on culture, childhood, media and social circles. Many times this carries shame or strong aversion to certain aspects of sexuality. May be judgmental of or unaware of one’s actual desires. Acts out sexual shame in the pendulum of repression/indulgence. Has a hard time finding the right boundaries.
Phase 2: Exploration of Desire
Instead of sex being an after thought when theres time it becomes a practice. Becoming aware of one’s true sexual desires. Exploring and allowing real preferences to surface without judgment. Letting go of conditioning from culture, family, past relationships and sexual experiences. Healing of sexual wounds and shame. Develops attunement to personal boundaries and the boundaries of others.
Phase 3: Growth Mindset
Finding the pleasure in aspects of sexuality that one used to avoid, finding pleasure everywhere. Becomes turned on by life itself. Freedom to be completely uninhibited in all aspects of sexuality and erotic desire. Ability to let the light illuminate the dark, and also allow the dark to bring depth to the light. Not afraid of light or dark, but rather sees both as information and integral wholeness.
Phase 4: Service/Sexual Transmutation
With the willingness and ability to travel all over the possible erotic landscape one is able to being in the question of ‘what wants to happen?’ What part wants to be seen or healed in this encounter? Sexual healing ability sky rockets, altered states of consciousness through sexual union become normal, deep understanding of self and other is nurtured through sex. If there’s a shadow, one is able to meet it fully, embody and integrate it, healing from the medicine not the wound. Sex becomes a resource for growth and development of coherent self and parthernship.